Thursday, November 26, 2015

These thoughts may or may not be related to Thanksgiving

Sometimes I pressure myself into thinking that my blog needs to be full of big, weighty thoughts. But by doing that, I discredit all of my small thoughts and put perhaps unwarranted pride in the posts I do post here. So I'm trying to challenge myself to value my little thoughts, my short writing, and my fleeting feelings more.

The following thoughts may be disjointed. I'm okay with that.


Today is Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for so many things. I am so grateful for and to a good Daddy (God) who keeps blessing me with so many great things.

A list of a few things I'm especially thankful for right in this moment:
1. Socks. My feet are forever chilly.
2. My best friend. Yes, I'm mentioning you here. It could be worse. I could go on and on about how excellent I think you are. I'll just leave it at "you rock" though. You rock.
3. Food and people who feed me. Shout out to all the different people who took me in and gave me food today who aren't my relatives.
4. Rest. I undervalue this so much.
5. The nearness of God. Whoa, do I ever need this.
6. People who lift me up. People who encourage me. People who invite me over to their houses. People who make me rice krispie treats and leave them outside my door. People who talk to me when I'm uncomfortably crashing their family's Thanksgiving dinner.
7. People who make me laugh.
8. My brothers. Seriously, two of the coolest humans on the planet.
9. My parents (shhh don't tell them that I've started to think and talk like them)
10. Antibiotics. Wow, modern medicine, you've pulled through on this one.
11. The opportunity to write, express myself, and think. I take these for granted entirely too much.


I went with my best friend to his grandparents' house to bring them Thanksgiving leftovers tonight. Sharing your grandparents with someone takes vulnerability and courage, so first, thank you for that. 

I walked away with a deep ache, missing my own grandma. It's going to be a while before I see her again (whenever Daddy calls me home. I'm comin', Grandma). 

I watched his grandpa help his grandma, and thought to myself, wow, I feel the importance of choosing the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. I hope that someone will cross paths with me that I can spend 50+ years with. Praying for that, for my maybe future husband, and for my friend's grandparents tonight. 


I planned my entire day around when I would eat today, and wondered if I would be able to eat everything I wanted to. I felt really awful after thinking through all of this. There are people who literally die because they don't have enough to eat. Not that we shouldn't enjoy time with family and good food, because those are good blessings to be enjoyed, but I was struck by the disparity of the world and a desire to serve. May we pay those blessings forward. 


Happy Thanksgiving, one and all. 


Saturday, November 21, 2015

There Will Be Days...

There will be days you won't want to get out of bed. There will be days that you just want to ignore the world, hide in your room, stare at the ceiling and listen to music that makes you feel even more lonely.

There will be days that you don't think you can handle the pressure of everything.

There will be days that you want to abandon every single thing you are doing and go do something completely different, something completely unproductive.

There might be days that you do that.

There will be days that you will wish you lived someone else's life-- a life with less trouble, work, stress, or conflict.

There will be days that you don't understand why you are where you are or where you might be going.

And that's okay. 

You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to feel pain without being ashamed of that fact. You are allowed to struggle.

You do not need to be perfect. You are not perfect. And that is okay.

There will be days that you feel abandoned, alone, isolated, invisible, or unheard. Maybe all of them at once. That's okay. 

God designed life to have different seasons. Solomon understood this, and wrote it down in Ecclesiastes: 

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

What's important to remember is that while the world is constantly changing and you are constantly changing, God does not change. Malachi 3:6: “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed."

Take refuge in the fact that everything else around and inside you will change, but your Daddy won't. He is forever good, forever gracious, forever almighty. It's okay to have rough days, weeks, years. It's okay to struggle.

Call out to Him in that struggle. He will answer.

"In my distress I called upon the LORD;to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.
...He sent from on high, he took me;he drew me out of many waters.
He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me." -Psalm 18:6, 16-19